Tears in Heaven
by The Sarcastic Polar Bear
Summary: A mother's joy begins when that test comes out positive... and is shattered when the outcome is two tiny eyes that will never see, little ears that will never hear the words "I love you," and a little heart that will never beat.


**Okay, I'm gonna get lynched for this one. I only own the baby. Enjoy, but if you're soft, keep some tissues nearby! Title is from Tears in Heaven, by Eric Clapton.  
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Olivia stood trembling in a hospital bathroom, her cheeks glistening with tears, her eyes red and swollen.

She could hear Elliot knocking on the door, but she kept quiet.

"Liv, please let me in," he pleaded, his voice hoarse. "We need to talk."

"I'm fine," she said, just loud enough for him to hear. But she was far from it.

They had tried to many times to have a baby. The first time she had finally gotten pregnant, she had miscarried, and the doctor told her that she wasn't fertile enough to get pregnant. So everyone had been stunned when she tested positive, and everything was normal until the baby's birth.

Olivia's labor had been long and complicated. Elliot had stayed by her side the entire time, holding her hand as she painfully brought their baby into the world. But their little daughter had been stillborn, and Olivia's heart had shattered.

Elliot had been begging her to speak to him for two hours, and she stubbornly refused. Finally she slipped out of the bathroom.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Elliot pulled her against his chest, burying his face in her hair. He felt more tears welling up in his eyes, and he let a few slip out.

"It's not your fault, Liv." He pulled away and looked into her eyes. "You hear me?"

Olivia didn't respond right away. She looked away from him, feeling empty inside. She eventually sat down on the bed, and Elliot sat with her.

"I know it's hard," he croaked. "But we can get through this."

Olivia shook her head. "No, El. She was too young… she never even got to open her eyes, or cry. We never got to hold her or tell her how much we love her." Fresh tears started to pour out of her eyes, and she leaned against him, shaking with sobs.

"I already miss her," she whimpered, clinging onto his shirt. "And she was our last chance."

"You don't know that. Please don't give up," he pleaded, lying down with her. "You gotta believe me, baby."

Olivia didn't answer him. She merely cried softly into his shirt, her eyes closed tightly. Elliot held her tightly, stroking her hair as he cried silently.

"I just wanna hold her," Olivia mumbled.

"You'll get to. I promise."

"But…"

"No buts. I'm going to make sure you get to hold her. I promise you." And he meant every word. If he had to grab his gun and hold it to somebody's head, he was going to see to it that she got to hold her baby.

He started to move, but Olivia pulled him back. "Stay…" She needed his comfort. He nodded and returned to his spot, pulling her closer.

"I love you," he said quietly into her ear. "And our little girl."

Olivia nodded but didn't answer. She feared that if she opened her mouth that she would start crying and be unable to stop herself.

Her baby… her baby girl was dead. All her life Olivia had wanted children, and now everything she had ever wanted just sped right past her. And she couldn't get it back.

"I don't know… if I can…" She shuddered. "I don't know if I can go through this again."

Elliot bit his lip. "You don't have to. Nobody's going to make you do anything." He rocked her back and forth and closed his eyes, unable to remove the flashback of his daughter slipping into the nurse's hands, and the doctor's announcement that their baby was dead… Their sweet, beautiful little girl never even had the chance to open her eyes.

She had been whisked away, and the doctors tried everything they could, but nothing could bring her back. She was dead.

Olivia soon fell asleep, her head resting on his chest. Tearstains littered her face, and he felt horrible. He knew that he had no way of changing what had happened, but it made his heart ache to see Olivia so broken.

He tenderly kissed the top of her head. He laid in silence for an hour until Olivia whimpered in her sleep and snuggled her face into the crook of his neck.

"Shh…" He smoothed her hair back. Olivia trembled, and he gently shook her awake. "Wake up, Liv."

Olivia opened her eyes and looked up at him. For a moment she was confused. "The baby…?"

Elliot sighed. "She's gone… remember?" Olivia frowned.

"No… she isn't." Olivia stared at him in awe. "She's okay, El."

Elliot felt a stab of pain in his heart. How was he supposed to handle this? He couldn't tell if she had forgotten or if she was refusing to admit that the baby was dead. "No, honey… she was stillborn."

Olivia didn't answer him. "She… she's alive… I know she is, El." Her baby had to be alright…

At that moment, the nurse came in with a little pink bundle, and Olivia smiled. "See, El?"

Elliot looked at the nurse, who mouthed something to him as she laid the baby in Olivia's arms. The infant lay so still… so pale…

Olivia smiled as she tenderly stroked the baby's cheek, and her hand came to rest on her little chest. She frowned when she felt no heartbeat, and she looked at Elliot. He nodded gently, and Olivia looked down at her baby.

"She… she's…" Olivia started to cry. Elliot started to take the baby from her, but Olivia clung to her daughter tightly, crying softly. "No..."

"C'mon, Liv," he urged. "Let me have her, sweetheart." He managed to take the baby from her, and Olivia's shoulders shook violently as she sobbed.

"No… g-give her back…" she begged. Elliot didn't move. He just struggled to keep his tears at bay as he looked down at his daughter. She looked so much like Olivia. He wondered if she had her eyes, or his. Her mouth, her nose… she was all Olivia, and absolutely precious. How could such an innocent life be taken?

He put one arm around Olivia, and she rested her head on his shoulder as she continued to gaze at the little girl.

They hadn't even gotten to name her.

**I know, I'm a terrible person. I think this will only have one or two more parts… I hope it wasn't too out of character. I was a little iffy about Olivia being so clingy, but she did lose a child, so she's simply being a mother. Review? And try not to kill me?**


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